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| By Lissette Rondon. |
It’s finally that time of year where we can begin to enjoy our Christmas traditions. It’s the time to give to others! And what better gift than laughs and honesty to warm up your homes!
This Holiday season, we would like to give as a Christmas present to our readers the 19 hilarious and outrageous confessions of the most outstanding personalities of our city of Miami.
In this special edition, we see life through the eyes of our beloved Miami-citizens who share with honesty their most unexpected moments or secrets— featuring laughs and meaningful stories unlike any other!
Merry Christmas everyone and take some time to remember the true Reason for the Season!
“Staying in the charming ‘Hotel d’ Inghilterra’ in Rome, I was going to a concert, I was wearing a frack suit—I ran into an American lady down the aisle and she confused me, because of my outfit, with a hotel waiter. She claimed that she had placed a room service order, which had not yet reached her room. Very circumspect, answered to her in English, with a British-Pakistani accent that I was already late for a concert that I was to lead, but promised that by going through the reception, I would report her complaint to the concierge.
The American lady thought I was making fun of her– in part it was true; she was furious and called me an insolent Italian. I tried to calm her down explaining that it was not a matter of nationality but of office, but she did not believe me and got even more upset. When I went down to the reception, there she was again, yelling at the concierge who saw me and told me smiling: “maeeestro suo taxi è arribatto, tanti auguri per il concerto”– (Maestro, your taxi has arrived, good luck with your concert). I still remember the look of surprise of this lady when she saw me leaving the hotel with my baton in hand. Since that day I don’t wear frack anymore and I always try to change my clothes backstage at the theater!”
“In a fashion show in Miami, I walked the runway with a silver long silk dress and with well-pronounced cleavage. I had not tried on this dress before and during my catwalk it opened in the bust area, but I felt comfortable. People started to clap very much, it seemed a little bit too much, but I was focused on the walk and the cameras so I went on. I also did a few laps even more than usual. My surprise was great the next day, when I was looking at the pictures of this show and OMG, my bust was full open!
Fortunately, it looked like it was planned like that– I guess the audience thought that was normal. Since that day I always try my clothes on before my runway, but I lost the shame to topless!”
“As you already may know, I am always in a dreaming zone. I may look like I am paying attention, but my mind is not. In one of our travels to New York, my husband and I were staying at the Grand Plaza Hotel. After a whole day of setting up the show, we came back and my husband told me to go ahead to the room and he would meet me there (he has told me previously where we were because he is the one always checking us). I took the elevator and got off on a floor and went to a room that was not mine, I was totally lost and started running around and changing floors trying to remember…and when passing by the elevators, they open and there was my husband! He said to me, laughing: “You don’t know where you are, right?” I said: I was looking for you! He responded: “running floor by floor?” He has never forgotten that episode.
As a little gift I want to share this especial moment of our Christmas in Budapest when we witness the images of the Basilica:” http://youtu.be/EfxoLgx82FA
“I always like to look tan but I never have time to actually go get a tan at the beach. I try self-tanners and professional spray tans to get a quick tan. Sometimes I even do the “at home self-tanners” but it can be a mission doing it on your own. One day I had an event and I was rushing so I did the “at home kit.” Unfortunately, I didn’t notice until I saw a photo the next day that I looked darker in the front and super white in the back.”
“Back some years ago when my son was younger and still believed in Santa Claus, I bought a Christmas tree, decorations, and gifts and I kept them hidden from him. At night when he was sleeping, I made the decoration of our house, the Christmas tree, and I put the gifts under the tree as a surprise for my son to make him believe that Santa had done all of this for him.
Two years later when I’m changing his cellular from Blackberry to an iPhone, I saw that my son had taken photos of me in the scheme of decoration for Christmas, and he never said anything just to please me and he enjoyed everything very happy. Children are wiser than you think!”
(Imagen by Miguel Aya)
“I confess that as a child and teen I did not know what a bidet was but was always scolded for turning it on in the master bedroom and playing with the water coming from it. I finally learned the real use of it the day that my grandmother came in and caught me drinking from it like a water fountain. She quickly explained to me its “hygiene” related purposes and I NEVER made that mistake again!”
“Recently, I was getting an oil change. Also sitting in the waiting area was this woman with a little girl that was asking her the ‘What is?’ and ‘Why?’ questions, typical of kids that age. The woman (I’m not sure if she was her caretaker or mom) wanted to read her book and was being extremely obnoxious and even foulmouthed to this sweet 3 year old girl. I noticed she was half way into the book she was reading, (“The Luminaires” which I had just read. It’s about 800 pages. I admit that I couldn’t put it down either.) My car was ready and after I left the cashier with my keys in hand, this woman was still telling the little girl off. I couldn’t stand how rude she was being to this sweet little girl; I walked up to her and told her how the book ended. She looked at me in disbelief and I walked out fast to my car before she had a chance to process what had just happened. I confess that it gave me great satisfaction telling her how the book ended!”
“Several years ago I had a special client that I tailored her wedding dress. The ceremony was organized in a luxury hotel in the city. When I headed to dress and prepare her for the triumphant ceremony time, I saw she was very excited and nervous at the same time but never expected she would hyperventilate and go into a stage of panic. I thought she was going to throw up on the dress, my only reaction was to order the wedding planner to open the doors of the room and push her in to the ballroom, and the party started. It was the best and worse experience I’ve had. At the end of the day the ceremony, the bride, and the gown were a beautiful success.”
“There was a time of my life when I decided to wear color contact lenses just for fun. I went to a pool party and someone asked me “are your eyes real” and I said yes and the person responded “wow, very nice eyes.” I went swimming and came out and ran into the same person and I just remember his face laughing at me out of the blue. I asked: Is there something funny? He replied: you should go and fix your contacts because you have one eye brown and one eye blue. I wanted to die!”
“One Christmas day two years ago, I was on my own so I decided to read the newspaper while drinking my coffee at Starbucks. I must have been quite engrossed in what I was reading because the time passed quickly, and I suddenly realized that I needed to get going. What I didn’t realize was that I had been sitting with my legs crossed, and one of my legs had completely gone to sleep. As I stood up to leave the café, I quickly became aware that my left leg was ‘dead’, but it was too late; I started to fall. I thought I could catch myself on the table, but the table tipped over and I fell to the floor in front of everyone in the café!”
“As a silversmith I spent many years in the jewelry bench– cutting, soldering and polishing metals; normally I use my fingers and nails to show some tiny marks and cuts produced by some casual accidents with blades during the process of cutting metal sheets. One day I was soldering a large piece and the flame of the torch was on, I was wearing my vest and optivisor but I did not notice since I was concentrating on checking the piece. My hair was too close to the torch and started burning! OMG! It took until I smelled the fumes of my hair burning when I realized it was on fire! Thank God it was not that bad!”
“I’m beginning to find Christmas is becoming much more… stressful. Years ago I could actually deal with things like Christmas tree lights. I get them set, check all are working, and put them aside till we put the tree up; you know, make an evening out of it. You’re there with everyone having a great time less than an hour before the shops close, when every little bastard light goes out! Now I’m running around town like a mad man, calling and searching in ever increasing circles, looking for that one, red, Christmas tree light that was made in Taiwan in 1978. Until I came across one package of bulbs that made me laugh, saying ‘Made in Great Britain with Foreign Parts” Urrg!!! I guess it’s time to upgrade?”
When I finally finished with my guests, I quickly went to check my turkey and found a terrible surprise! The oven temperature was high and my turkey had its chest and wings burnt and black. I could not believe how it happened so I asked everybody, “who changed the temperature of my oven?” nobody answered. My dad said perhaps his wife but I noticed he was acting a little weird.
I had to remove the burned skin and a make a “Make Up” sauce for the turkey– achieving the delicious turkey and also the pictures that presented it. The next day, my Dad admitted that he had changed out the oven temperature because he was very hungry. It was fun to see my Dad behave like a kid. I learned that everything can be fixed with love.”
“I am a little Jewish girl who has always loved Christmas, even though I wasn’t supposed to! In fact, an Aunt of mine was really incensed once when she saw me wearing a snowman pin that I had examined closely before buying it to make sure there was not a speck of holly on it but to no avail, she looked at it and exclaimed “Why are you wearing that Christmas pin?” But forces conspired against her. In the 1990’s I ended up living in Bethlehem, CT, aka “The Christmas Town” and if you drive by my apartment complex between 7th and 8th on Meridian you will discover we have more Christmas lights blazing than anywhere else on Miami Beach!”
“Year after year I’ve been an advocate for the live Evergreen. I tell my friends who contemplate the pros and cons of a live tree, ‘You get to pick out your own tree with your kids, cut off a bit of the trunk and make a memento by writing the year and your whole house gets to smell like Christmas and pine!’ This year is the first that I’m spending Christmas in my new flat since moving out of my bigger house. Without even really thinking much about it, I ironically bought a fake tree this year, as it would be easier to get into my flat’s living room.
“Since I remember I have always played with skateboards, all kind of skateboards that you can think of. This year, I could not think of a better idea to get a new model of those who are currently using the ones called “Torpedo Boards.” The first day, I went to play with this “torpedo board” and I said to myself: “This should not have much science since I always played with skateboards, it shouldn’t be a hard thing.” As soon as I finished my thoughts I was already sprawled on the floor and the skateboard was lonely without me. And to make everything worse, some construction workers saw me, the lady who was biking, and two girls who were at the stoplight in their cars, were laughing out loud because of my hilarious landing (I think the blow did not hurt as much as the shame.)
The bumps and drops continued, but the culminating moment was when crossing the bridge linking the island; the “torpedo board” literally launched into the water so I did not have any other option than to jump into the canal water to rescue my skateboard, which assured me after this salvage experience my return to the house so wet, along with a few bruises and scrapes, and the lesson that you must never be over confident.
Today, you can see me in my neighborhood, riding my “Torpedo Board” as a pro!
“Yesterday, as every year, on behalf of my foundation “Music for your Heart” I visited Kidco’s Childcare Center to deliver gifts to 92 children and I sang to them “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
A child asked me: What do I have to do to sing with Santa Claus?
I said, behave well and study music. If you want I can talk to your parents and help you learn to sing. But why do you want to sing with Santa Claus?
He replied: Because he may bring me more gifts!”
“I was chosen to be a judge at the National Ceviche Contest (Concurso National de Ceviche) earlier this year. I was honored to be invited by the Peruvian government and was expecting to judge “ceviches” of different types of fish. Little did I know and was surprised to find out that one of the contestants had entered a Suri ceviche! Now like any respectable chef, I’ve tried the edible worm before, though when I did, it was grilled and crispy. Never before had I had it served to me raw like this!
You could really tell the other judges were having a hard time getting themselves to try, most of them looking disgusted at the unusual contestant, and I’ll confess I felt uneasy about trying it myself. Stepping up to the plate, as one of the chef judges, I set the example by courageously trying the dish and as it turns out, it wasn’t that bad.”
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